The Act of Falling

All her life men have taught her
Love is only real if it makes you bleed
So I drop pieces of myself
Into her, stone after stone
Drowning myself to try and fill her up
While she is flooded by the red waves of her past.
No story is complete truth
And old lovers have written
Her into oceans.
She is their mystery.
Their foreign land.
They fall to their knees
Whispering prayers
Like bullets in their teeth
And before she can stop herself
She screams back.
No tenderness like this can last
And neither can I, so I maul her
Into memory.
Our fears are metaphors
For each other’s kind of love.
Fingers curled to triggers
I wrap myself like Kevlar around her,
But my heart is the wrong heart.
Mouth the cooling barrel of a gun
And everything I want to say
To her is dangerous.
I held that night in my palms
And gutted it
With the smallest knife I could find
So she wouldn’t do it to herself.

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Playing Risk

Her hand is warm in yours.
You squeeze tighter
At their razorblade words.
You know you’re in a mall,
But you’re also in the basement
Of your grandfather’s house
Listening to all the reasons why your Aunts
Have nothing left to look forward to.

Fifteen years from now you will have forgotten
Everything about them except for their birds
And how they never left them behind when they trucked in
From Texas to visit the shooting rage.
Your Grandfather’s pistol
Mouth aimed accidentally at you
And you wonder at the bullet holes and butterfly
Band-Aids that were never enough
To pinch together your understanding of yourself.

Fifteen years from now people will look at you
With a train wreck fascination
And you are shot full of legislature.
They ask you if its worth an eternity in hell
And all you can think is,
“I wonder if they’ll serve me pizza there?”

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